Self Reflection

I believe it is very important to practice self-reflection from time to time. By going through this process, we become aware of who we really are and who we want to become. Therefore, I encourage you to practice self-reflection in two phases: (1) reflect on who you are and (2) reflect on who you want to be.

First, reflect upon the person you are. Examine your emotions and behaviors over the past few weeks. Limit your assessment to the recent past in order to distinguish who you are from who you were. Here are a few examples of questions you may want to ask yourself during this phase of self-reflection:

  • How much time did you spend working?

  • How much time did you spend playing with your kids?

  • How much time did you spend watching TV?

  • How many times did you exercise?

  • How many times did you tell/show your wife that you love her?

  • How often did you feel grateful?

  • How often did you feel angry or depressed?

It might not be possible to account for every moment of gratitude or wave of depression, but you don’t have to be perfectly accurate. The objective is to gain a sense of who you are at this time. You do not want to paint a rosy picture. You do not need to justify your behaviors. You just need an honest account.

It is important to separate who you are at this time from who you have been in the past and who you will be in the future. I don’t want to say that the person you were in the past is no longer of concern, but I would encourage you to recognize that you are not necessarily the same person. Who you were in the past might influence how people see you today, but how people see you today is not necessarily who you are today and who you are today will dictate how people see you in the future. Therefore, I encourage you to focus on who you are today. Don’t fall into the fixed mindset trap of thinking you are still the person you were in the past. Instead, recognize who you are today and imagine you stay that way for the remainder of your life.

Here are a few examples:

  • If you are angry, you should recognize that you are currently an angry person. If you do not change, you will remain an angry person. If you die today, you will die an angry person.

  • If you have not been connecting with your loved ones, then you have been disconnected. If you remain disconnected, those ties weaken and the way you are remembered may not be what you would like it to be.

  • If you are spending too much time watching TV or surfing the internet, you may one day look back and regret all the time you wasted and the opportunities you missed.

In the second phase of self-reflection, think about your future self. Who do you want to be? How do you want to be remembered? What do you want people to say about you at your funeral? In this phase, you can reframe the questions you asked yourself in phase one. The objective is to determine how the person you want to be in the future differs from the person you are today. If there is no difference, then great, try to keep it this way. If there is a difference, don’t be hard on yourself. You are just like most of us and there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve.

Once you identify the specific differences between who you are and who you want to be, you can more easily take steps in the right direction. If you want to be more financially responsible, you can set up an automated savings plan today. Don’t worry about how much you save. Even if you are only setting aside a small amount, you are changing your identity. Likewise, if you want to be healthier in the future, sign up for a class at the gym or commit to regular walks with a friend. Again, the point is to begin taking steps in the right direction so that in the future, when you reflect on who you are, you will find that you are the person you wanted to become.